Bittersweet
by KaydenceRei
Summary: Missing piece during 5x10. Kate decides to confront Juliet about Sayid. "Juliet, whatever happened three years ago, that was then.." she told her. "Everything's different now, and if Sawyer can trust you, then I know I can as well."


**Disclaimer**: Okay. This is a random one that popped into my head on my own. But I gotta give credit to everyone who is enjoying my little 'missing pieces' collection, cause they're keeping me going strong. What's Juliet doing after the Motor Pool scene with Kate, when Sawyer and the others are coming back with Sayid and his happy serum? She also never showed up to participate in the 'Let's kill the hostile' meeting.

**Bittersweet**:

Juliet sat down on the empty dock where the sub had already come and gone for the next six months. What exactly had she hoped for by staying here so long with Sawyer? That'd he actually fall in love with her? _No_.. she thought to herself, shaking her head. That was an obvious no. She'd simply thought that they would never come back. That _she_ would never come back. She had to wonder if now that Kate was back, Sawyer would keep his word that nothing had changed between them.

She sighed, rolling her eyes. She was like a lovesick puppy now. It was going to turn out just like when she'd followed Jack around. She'd be stuck in Kate's shadow once again. She hated to think so badly about another person, but she honestly wished Kate had stayed wherever she was, doing whatever it was she was doing.

Juliet dipped her feet into the water, watching as it cascaded around her feet. She had an urge to just jump in and try to swim away from all the troubles this island had caused her. Swim away until she couldn't any longer. This place was like a torture chamber, wrenching away little pieces of her heart and attempting to leave her with nothing.

"You okay?"

Juliet looked over at the sound of Kate's voice. It had nearly scared her, to have someone suddenly behind her without her knowing they had been coming.

"Sorry," Kate apologized, sitting down next to her on the dock. "I wasn't trying to surprise you, you just had that look on you were.." she paused, thinking of the right words.

Juliet smiled a little and looked back out at the water. It was already getting dark, she was surprised Sawyer hadn't noticed yet she wasn't home. Or maybe he had noticed, it wasn't as if he would know where to find her. Which left the question of how Kate knew. "Its okay. How did you know where I was?"

Kate glanced out at the water too. "Amy told me," she admitted. "I asked her if she knew where you went, she said you came here a lot when you were thinking too much."

Juliet chuckled. She'd told Amy once before that she liked to come to the docks to think. Until now, Amy had never admitted to anyone she knew where she'd always gone off too.

"She told me how you saved her."

Juliet glanced over at Kate. "You know.." she said quietly, looking back down at her feet in the water. "Its strange, to know that I actually finally managed to do what I was brought here to do," she admitted. "Only.. I do it 30 years in the past."

Kate had to smile now. "Guess its been kind of weird for you, hasn't it?"

Juliet laughed now. "Nothing about this island has ever been normal, Kate," she stated in amusement. "But it does manage to get.. more insane as time goes on. Or.. goes backwards, whatever you'd call that."

Kate grinned. Originally she had wanted to ask Juliet about Sayid and see what she knew, but there was something about the tinge of sadness lurking behind the blonde's facade that made her change her mind. "You want to talk about it?"

"About what?" Juliet questioned.

Kate tilted her head to the side and smiled a little. "About whatever's eating you up inside."

"Its alright Kate," Juliet said with a shrug. "You honestly don't have to sit here with me and pretend you actually want to know what's bothering me when I know you've never liked me."

Kate held back the sigh. She should have expected that. "Juliet, whatever happened three years ago, that was then.." she told her. "Everything's different now, and if Sawyer can trust you, then I know I can as well."

Juliet frowned. _That was the problem_.. she thought to herself. She always found herself being jealous of other women. First, jealousy of the younger women Edmund would always flirt with around her during their marriage. Then the other women Edmund would _obnoxious_ flirt with after they had divorced. Then there had been jealousy over Harper, for being married to Goodwin. Jealous over Kate, because Jack loved Kate. And now, jealousy over Kate had once more reared its ugly head because of Sawyer. "One day," she began. "One day I'd just like to take off.." she admitted. "Take off and do whatever I wanted with no one there telling me I can't do it."

Kate's eyes softened as she watched Juliet's face.

"I've been sitting in the shadows of everyone, my whole life," Juliet stated, glancing down at the ripples in the water her feet were causing. "But I can't do it.."

Kate frowned. "Can't do what?"

"Take control," Juliet said with a shrug. "I can't lead myself anywhere because the only thing I know how to do is follow."

Kate glanced up at the sky, leaning back on her elbows to hold herself up. "Just because you don't know how to lead yourself somewhere, doesn't mean you wouldn't be able to do it, Juliet."

Juliet just shook her head, laying down flat on her back on the dock with her feet hanging over the edge.

"Whose shadows?" Kate asked.

"What?"

"Whose shadows have you always been in?" Kate questioned.

Juliet smiled sadly. "My ex-husband first," she admitted. She'd never actually told anybody on the island about Edmund, never talked about him.

Kate glanced down at the woman beside her. She had been married before?

Juliet noted the look of surprise. "He was an idiot.." she admitted, closing her eyes. "I was his up and coming research specialist, so of course, he had to hide me behind him, so he made me feel like I was better then anyone, married me, and then hid me in the shadows, taking credit for all of my research.."

Kate hid the surprise well. So Juliet's marriage had been based on Juliet's love, and her ex-husband's need to further his career.

"So I stayed back, let him have all the credit, because thats what I was supposed to do for the man I loved," she said with a shrug. "Once he was high enough up in the food chain, he didn't come home much, took other women out and went home with them instead."

Kate frowned. If Juliet told her she stayed with him after that, she would have to stop herself from strangling the woman.

"But at least then, he didn't do it so blatantly in front of me," Juliet explained, opening her eyes and glancing at the clouds. "It was once we got the divorce that he decided to be pompous and throw all the flirting and younger women in my face, and continue taking credit for anything I did."

Kate had never understood why Juliet had been slightly cold-hearted when she knew her three years ago. But suddenly, it was all making a little bit of sense.

"That's just the first shadow."

Kate glanced back down at her. "Go on."

Juliet shrugged. "The next was when I came to this island.." she stated. "Fell for this guy Goodwin, he worked in one of the Dharma stations," she explained. "I fell for him. Too bad he was married," she admitted.

Kate looked a little surprised at that confession. So Juliet went from a man who she loved, who cheated on her, to a man who she loved, who was already married.

"But he took to sleeping on the couch, and was seeing me on the side," Juliet admitted, once again closing her eyes. She hadn't really ever talked about any of this with anyone until now. And she had no idea why she was explaining all of this to Kate.

Kate had to admit. Juliet had actually allowed herself to be the side-piece on that one.

Juliet smiled sadly once more. "Unfortunately for Goodwin.. Ben didn't like the.. _relationship_.. very much."

Kate narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?" she asked. "Why would Ben care?"

Juliet sat up silently, unsure if she was ready to admit this to another person.

"Juliet.."

Juliet glanced back at Kate.

Kate was shocked by the look of complete horror and sadness on Juliet's face at the moment. Whatever Ben had done, she had to assume it was something huge.

"He had Goodwin infiltrate the tail-section.. he sent him out there to die," she explained quietly. "He took me out there to see his dead body as well, after it happened."

Kate couldn't help but feel the nausea build up. Why would anyone put another person through that? But then again, she never quite understood why Benjamin Linus did anything he'd done.

"I asked him why.." Juliet admitted. "Why he did it.. why he brought me there," she explained. "And his reason was because.. I was his."

Kate gulped. So Ben was in love with Juliet, and his idea of getting what he wanted was to take away what she had? It was just sick, twisted, and completely Ben.

Juliet sighed putting her head in her hands. "Then there was you.."

Kate frowned. "Me?"

"It's not your fault," Juliet said quickly. "But it was you three years ago.. and now I'm afraid its you again."

Kate's eyes softened immediately. She understood now. "You mean.. with Jack and Sawyer, don't you?"

Juliet said nothing.

"Juliet, I swear.. I'm not here to try and take Sawyer away from you.." Kate said, placing a hand on the other woman's shoulder. She remembered Juliet's face all those years ago, after she'd taken Jack's appendix out, and after she had told her how Jack was only kissing her to prove he wasn't in love with someone else, she remembered the sadness lurking behind Juliet's eyes. "And I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry about Jack."

Juliet laughed. She actually laughed. "It really isn't your fault Kate.." she said. "The problem is me.." she admitted. "After all of this," she said, waving her hand, motioning the entire island. "I think I'm just too scattered to trust that whatever I have is something that can actually last."

Kate frowned. "So that's why you're sitting out here, wishing you could lead yourself away from the ruins of your own heart?"

"Pretty much.." Juliet admitted.

Kate sighed.

"And then there's the other problem.." Juliet stated.

Kate glanced at her. "What other problem?"

Juliet closed her eyes. "If Ben ever actually came back here, he'd kill Sawyer if he knew I loved him. If Ben comes.."

Kate found herself looking anywhere but at Juliet now.

Juliet froze, watching Kate's reaction. "He came back too... didn't he?"

Kate nodded silently.

Juliet could already feel yet another piece of her heart being torn out. Maybe not yet, but it would if Ben ever showed up here.

"I'm sorry.." Kate said quietly.

Juliet said nothing, staring silently out at the water.

"Juliet.." Kate said, turning towards her. "I don't think he's actually here.." she admitted. "Only me, Hurley, Jack and Sayid have been found, Sun's gone too. And no 'plane' has crashed, so he must not be here."

Juliet smiled a little. "That would be one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me."

"You gonna be okay?" Kate asked, standing up.

Juliet nodded.

"I'll head back then.." Kate said, beginning to walk away. "And Juliet?"

"Yes?" she said, glancing back over at Kate.

"You got the better man," she admitted. "Jack hasn't been the same person since we left the island. You wouldn't like the new him."

Juliet smiled a little. "Thanks to James, I don't need the old or the new Jack," she admitted. She watched as Kate nodded and began walking away again. "Kate?"

Kate stopped and turned around again.

"Thanks."

Kate smiled and then continued walking away.

Juliet glanced across the water as the sun finally disappeared below the horizon. Maybe she'd stay just a little longer. Just a little more time to think and she'd be alright again. She could put on the false exterior. At least she actually believed Kate when she told her she wasn't there to try and win back Sawyer. Things wouldn't have to be so bittersweet this time around. Maybe, just maybe, for once her heart could stay in tact.

**()()()END()()()**

**Like I said. I can't do a cat-fight. But I can write a civil conversation. Hope you enjoyed it!**


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